I am in a foul mood, perhaps because I am headed to the US tomorrow and will have to spend about 20 plus hours in the air to get from Mumbai to London to New York to Orlando, not counting stopover time. There is another, shorter route through Dubai but incredibly, all cattle class seats to the US from Dubai on Emirates are full for at least a week; business class is available, but I will have to raid and rob the Bank of India branch nearby to make that possible. I usually plan my travels way in advance but this trip is unplanned, abrupt. These bloody Emirates, they have really captured the market with acute logistical finesse and fantastic on-air service. No wonder their Canadian and European rivals find their behinds roasting over live charcoals. My mood is made darker by Kingfisher Airline informing me there are no seats with extra legroom available, so it will be a standard seat. Shucks!
Don’t know about you, but it’s getting harder traveling long distances now that I am a getting grayer and wiser; I adamantly refuse to say older. Huh, if I was getting ‘old’ I could not outrun majority of you men out there twenty years younger. Talking about graying, strange no, I am getting threadbare gray on my scalp, robust gray at the sides of my head, but bloody even healthier gray on my chest, nose and even ears! It seems providence has decided to take hair from top of my scalp and transplant them to these body parts!
Yes, I was talking about the impending trip which may have soured my temperament this fine Sunday morning here in Mumbai. Is it that? It can’t be the weather, as I savor waning days of my stay in this country; January can be a wonderful time of year to be in Mumbai. Calm comfortable days, pleasant cool nights and relief from noise pollution as thousands of air conditioners take a sabbatical in my neighborhood. Of course mangoes and apple custards and jack fruit are all gone now, still, you can’t beat the wonderful pleasant (brief) weather that currently prevail here.
Maybe it’s the price of gas, now raised 11% in 2 months, the damage this will do to the 4 – 5 thousand rupee earner. Maybe it’s the price of onions, skyrocketing to heights she feels she is bloody gold, so indispensable her need in Indian cuisine. Why, one newspaper carried a report about an irate husband getting ready to dismember his 30 old marriage because mama watoto curtailed the quantity of it in her cooking. No, it can’t be the onions. Then it must be the daily, unrelenting headlines of government officials in one corruption scandal after another, for amounts so colossally large, it makes my mind tizzy just counting the zeros. Perhaps Indians need nerves of Tunisians; take charge and bring about a change with corrupt, looting officials. But perhaps I am just sour at the obscene amounts of cash tossed around at the recent IPL auction for current cricket players. God, why didn’t You make me a cricket goddess?
This inflation nightmare is eating into royalty as well, I read in papers. Why, the queen of England (again, why is she a queen in the first place?) has agreed to share her gigantic Buckingham Palace with grandson William so money can be saved. Should not be a problem; I am sure Kate and William will find ample crooks and corners within 818,218 square feet to enjoy a hearty honeymoon and a happy life after.
Oh never mind all my moaning and groaning above, my mood has just changed for the better. I just got a call from Kingfisher Airlines; the representative all exited and out of breath. Kingfisher has upgraded me on the Mumbai to London sector! Business Class? I turn equally exited and breathless, so we communicate each other’s excitement over the phone for a few seconds. I am puzzled however, for I am but a lowly silver member in their frequent flier program; so far. Yes, yes, she says, you have been upgraded to first row in economy with plenty more leg room!
Can I return to my gripping? Perhaps I can write about more inflation woes? No? Well then, can we talk about more upbeat newspaper reports? About this guy’s penis being eaten by a rat in jail? Or a bus driver caught driving with a women sitting on his on lap? Or…